do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
