seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
