I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
