we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
