We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
