The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
