Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
