you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
