That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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