So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
