i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
