why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sober January is a disaster.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just invented taco cereal.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
