rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
