'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
