this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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