i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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