my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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