I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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