New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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