so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
