A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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