Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
