Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Terrible idea I love it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
