Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
