so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
