Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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