You're completely useless in the revolution.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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