It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
