my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
