every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
