hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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