My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
