I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
