I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
