Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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