I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
