I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
