im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
