i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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