I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
