my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
