Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
