I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
