SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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