Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
