I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
