Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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