Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
