Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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