I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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