genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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