you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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