If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
