I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
