Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
