I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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