i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
