Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
